Alright, let's get into the insanity that was this weekend. Before we jump into the Oscar aftermath, the Independent Spirit Awards also went down. They're kind of like the Oscars but everyone stands around talking about their odorless bowel movements. I'm telling you, it's a miracle of science. Anyway, Angelina Jolie picked the Spirit Awards as the venue to show off her protruding stomach. I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure that's a baby in there. By my calculations there'll be roughly two Pitt-Jolies to every one Normie (that's us) by 2030. As long as the females look like Angelina, I embrace this future. I will also simultaneously unembrace pants.

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